Monday, April 24, 2006
Tonight my cousin asked me what I thought being in love felt like. This is such an obscure question to ask me! Me, the one who has never had any sort of romantic relationship, the one who can count her dates on one hand (with fingers to spare). True, at one point I thought I was in love. True, I've had my heart broken. But how do you describe LOVE? There are so many different kinds of love: parent-child, friend-friend, sibling-sibling, lover-lover. And so I told her, as best I could, what being in love was like. Except I couldn't really say, because it was never reciprocated back to me.
But, you know, now that Dingbat's engaged himself, I'm ok again. I feel free and content with being single.
Sometimes, though, I can't help but think that I'm stuck in this stage of celibacy. Every one tells me, "Oh, well, you're still young! You're not even twenty yet! You've got plenty of time!" No one sees it from MY side, though. True, I won't be twenty for another few weeks, but sometimes I forget that I'm not already two decades and that I'm not turning two decades plus one. Not to mention my surroundings. Two out of my three roommates last year are now engaged. The only individual who I could truly talk to is also engaged. Only 3 of my high school friends (including myself, here) are still single. Most of them are married off and two are expecting small chiddlers by December. Not to mention my current living situation where one roommate has a multitude of the male species vying for her attention and the other found herself so in love with being in love that she could scarcely speak of anything else. As for me, I'd just like to know what it's like to have someone that loves me in return. Someone that needs me. Someone that can't wait to see me again or talk to me.
Of course, though, I'd be lying if I couldn't admit that it is, perhaps, ME that's keeping love at bay. As I penned just the other night, "It is we, who have fizzled and died. But dream on, sweet dreamer, dream on." One doesn't quit the treasure hunt just because they're not the first one to find the "x." There are other maps in the world, other treasures.
Anyway, who's to say that love isn't just around the corner? In another... 10 years or so.
Behold, the Muse
