Friday, April 27, 2007
If this is how the whole summer is going to feel, I'm in big trouble. Big with a capital "B" kind of Big. See, here's the thing. I really, really, really, a lot really am in need/want of something that only one person can give me. And I'm really confused again. I don't know what's going to happen. And, basically, I'm very afraid and very...
doubtful about Things.
Mostly I hate that I can't open up to anyone, no matter who they are.
* I hate that I can't trust, and I hate that I can't know the end of every story.
What if, then? What if I never talk to SL again? What if I do? What if I have to learn to trust him? What if I can't? What if he is willing to go to all that effort to gain my trust and I can't give it to him? What if he's not? What if I go to all that work to trust him and he's not trustworthy? What if it's someone else? There are so many "what if's" in this world. I wish everything could just be set in stone and be done with.
I wish all the world could be spent in Disneyland.
I wish a lot of things. But mostly, right now, I just wish I could talk to him for even five minutes.
I did warn him, you know. I told him I'm quite skilled at ruining relationships. Any given relationship I could ruin in less time than it takes to build said 'ship.
*You, faithful readers, probably know me better than most everyone else (save my parents and, possibly, my bishop). But do you even know me that well? Do you know the things about me that matter? Can you tell me how I've changed in the past 1+ year? Do you know my deepest fears, darkest secrets, and brightest hopes/dreams?
Always remember: wherever you go, there you are!
Labels: relationships
