Here are some things that are making me smile right now (via Pinterest):
(Anyone else noticing the T-Rex theme going on here? This is even funnier if you were on that train back from Stake Conference a couple of weeks ago.)
This post is brought to you by our nightly sponsor, Insomnia, and has nothing at all to do with Taiwan, other than the fact that that's where I am living.
People in California are funny. Or maybe it's just now that I am in California, people are funny.
Anyway, I've actually been sort of on-again, off-again composing this post for a while, but it takes effort to think of 'nyms for everyone that I will remember in the future. And I have met a lot of everyones in the past nearly-two months. Like*, seriously. A lot. But a recent conversation with the leader of TK kind of nudged me to finish the job so that I can prove my point (next time we hang out, I'm taking notes).
Curly: "I'm playing with pigs. I don't think I have any pride."
Christopher Robin: "I feel like you have to show your 'Mormon Stick' before they'll even let you into Utah."
Christopher Robin: "[Katria]. Now do you understand why everything you say should be a Hallmark card?"
Christopher Robin: "You're quiet for like 10 minutes and then you open your mouth and everything that comes out of it is hilarious."
Katria: "You do look like you're from Utah since you're walking around with 3 girls." Christopher Robin: "You just made the joke I have been thinking all day. I can't believe you said that!"
Christopher Robin: "I have the legs of a Greek god. I may be missing a few other things, but my legs are beautiful."
Christopher Robin: "Verbose is just a nice way of saying he won't shut up. Nice try, though."
Rip Torn: "Mater's eyes are hypnotizing. I bet if you watch them long enough, you'll turn redneck."
Katria: "It's Brigham Young University." Bartholomew: "Did you say 'Bring 'em young?'" Katria: "No, but that is very fitting."
Katria: "I watched some seagulls poop on the picture." Doc: "Did you capture the magic?"
Christopher Robin: "If I were related to Kohler, I wouldn't do anything except sit at home on my porcelain throne all day."
Christopher Robin: "I'm proud of the fact that people think of me in their most vulnerable moments"
Captain: "I know there're people in Africa, but there's a lot of work to do."
Geri: "What mountain is that?" Katria: "[Geri], that's a tree."
*As a side note, I'm trying to limit my usage of "like." It is such a Utah word to say, and I've noticed recently (like, as of Monday) that I say it way too much.
Best Out of Office Automatic Email Replies- a list of 9! (Don't die of shock that it's not a 10- I'm sure it's just a passing phase.)
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
Sorry to have missed you, but I'm still at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
Thank you for your message which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
I've run away to join a different circus.
I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as "Lucille" instead of Earl.
I think one of the best things about the new baby is the media center on it. I recently discovered a Heroes parody with The Boy and laugh myself silly over it. Seriously, good stuff. The black guy is my favorite because he can kick himself in the back of the head.
So, I was over at Krishna's this evening when I got this phone call from Santa Horhe.
"Is Vicky there?" "Er... no, sorry. Wrong number," I said. "Oh. I'm sorry. Um... Is this [insert my number here]?" "Yeah..." "Huh. That's weird. Only, Vicky won a vacation to San Diego and this is the only contact information she gave us. Do you want it?" "Er... I dunno... maybe?"
He then proceeded to tell me the details, but it ends up I'm not qualified because I don't make enough annual income. Sort of stinky, because it was soo tempting. I really want to go to San Diego.
So, Supervisor has a statistics class that she's taking this semester so that she can get into grad school. When she got back from class today, I asked her how it went. "It was so bad!" she said. "We were talking about the syllabus but kept getting off topic because people would ask question. The professor finally said, 'OK, now where were we?' And is this bad? But my first thought was, 'In Hell!'" Ah, Supervisor. I love you.
So this is pretty much a "note to self" type of post, and then I'm going to at least attempt to fall asleep. I've been trying to think of an awesome voice mail message for a while now. Once, when I was watching Gilmore Girls, Lorelai's answering machine came on and she said something along the lines of the standard blah blah blah and ended it by saying, "I can't think of anything cute to say, so leave a message. Oh! Puppies! Puppies are cute!" and I've thought about using that one for a while. Tonight, though, tonight I found something even better. I just have to memorize it first. I was watching Monk season 5 in which episode I was watching Monk goes blind; Dr. Kroger calls him because he missed his appointments and you get to hear Monk's way awesome "leave a message" message. Heck, yes. I should do it.
So I was driving to Santa Horhe on the freeway, right? And there's like a ton of construction going on throughout the state right now. It really stinks. Anyway, I'm driving along through this construction area and I totally see one of those orange signs that says, and I quote,
Please Don't Kill Us
I am so serious. I really wish that I could have pulled over and taken a picture of it. I laughed for a good 5 seconds and couldn't stop giggling whenever I thought about it for hours.
And for some reason which I cannot even begin to fathom, Firefox thinks I spelled "I" wrong. Hm. Anyway,
Just to warn you, my sense of humor gets increasingly more morbid each day. So if you don't find the following funny, but rather disturbing, I am sorry for you. You may excuse yourself.
Ok. So I'm researching drugs again. While looking through the info sheet of the medication I am currently taking, I read this:
"What happens if I overdose with Drug? Seek emergency medical attention if you think you have taken too much of this medication. Symptoms of an...overdose may include...seizures, and coma."
Umm.. yeah. I'm really going to be able to dial 911 when I fall into my coma or start seizing all over the place.
I am smiling so hard right now. You don't even know. (Highlight to see the answers)
Why does Tigger bounce through the 100 Acre Woods? He doesn't want to step on Pooh How does Eeyore like his salad? Lettuce alone... (in an Eeyore-ish voice)
