Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Guys, for the first time in my life EVER I have the stomach flu. It came on very suddenly when I was about to leave work on Monday, and I spent a good 2-3 hours at the InstaCare yesterday receiving fluids via IV and having fun tests run.
On top of everything else (or maybe it's part of the stomach flu? I don't know!), I have a migraine.
I. Want. To. Die.
Good news is, my fever is mostly gone, I have not thrown up in 24 hours, and therefore water stays in my system now. I was also able to go in to work for a whopping two hours before becoming so exhausted that I could barely stand. My parents are also practically waiting on me hand and foot, and that's pretty nice for me (but slightly inconvenient for them). Also, I've been sleeping A LOT, so hopefully that means I am getting all caught up on my lost hours due to the Mother's Day Madness at the flower shop a couple weeks ago. More good news: I don't have to work tomorrow AT ALL because SCHOOL IS OVER UNTIL AUGUST (and I signed a contract to work at the same school this coming fall, and did I mention I'm going to be a full-time student again and that I'm learning Chinese for REALS this time?)
So, despite all the nasty, ghastliness in life, there are still some beautiful things about it. Never forget that.
Labels: health, School
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Remember how I was going to Kenting today?
Well, instead I've spent the majority of the day bonding with my bed, but I also:
- Bought bread
- Had my throat swabbed and medicine subsequently shoved into the back of my mouth
- Had... something (I don't know what) shoved up my nose and into my throat (I'm sorry, was that too graphic for you? Trust me, I could tell you more.)
- Was given a million pills to take over the course of the next three days (tried tweeting a picture, realized it didn't work)
- Watched some movies
- Worked on my cross-stitch that I brought from home for 3 hours
My throat really burned for about an after going to the doctor, not to mention the nasty taste in my mouth every time I swallowed, but then it was magically Not Sore for about 5 hours. Dr. Wong speaks some English, enough to understand what I was telling him, but not enough to really efficiently tell me what's wrong. All I know is that there's some post-nasal drainage going on and that it's causing an infection in my throat. I don't know why my ears hurt because we kind of hit a communication wall at that point, so I just nodded my head and smiled. Then they loaded me up on drugs and sent me home! For $5.15 (USD, going off of today's conversion rate), I can't complain too much about the price. That includes all the pills and the visit. Awesome, right? I think I can handle this National Healthcare System they've got going on over here in Taiwan.
Honestly, though, I'm still enjoying myself. I'm enjoying my long-yearned for Alone Time, the fact that I don't have any obligations for a few days... This isn't such a bad way to spend a vacation.
Also, the Pills:
Don't ask me what they are or what they are for (other than making me better), because I haven't the faintest idea. I take all of these three times a day for three days. Cool, right? If there's any other nasty bug inhabiting my body and waiting to strike, I have a feeling its days are numbered.
Meanwhile, I hope this whole shooting off fireworks thing doesn't last all night, because I'd really like to get some sleep.
Labels: health, Holiday, Taiwan, weekend plans
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Alright. Thursday. I didn't forget. Unfortunately, neither has my arm forgotten. It has felt like it is on fire ever since I got that ridiculous shot. Anyway, Charlene (one of the secretaries for the school) is the one that took us to the hospital. We were there for 2 and a half hours! We had to wait a long time to see the doctor, and she asked us some questions and was surprised when we told her we had already had our MMR. Then we had to go pay somewhere else (it was about $25 USD, give or take). Then we had to go get the vaccine at the medicine distribution counter. After that, we had to walk across the street to the emergency room, which is where they give you the shot. Almost they gave mine to me standing up, even after I told them I would probably pass out, but I asked if I could at least sit down first, and they said yes. It hurt almost as much as the Hepatitis shots. I had to sit there with my eyes closed for a few minutes because the room started spinning on me, but then I was OK (sore, but OK). After that, we had to go back to the doctor to pick up some more paper work, and then finally we had to go get our papers stamped by the government officials (I think?) that are at the hospital. THEN we got to come home and I just stayed on my bed for 2 hours until it was time to go to AK.
And a picture of Christina and her ow:
Friday I was very busy. I worked on my lesson plan for a good 3 hours before class, and that was even after having worked on it 3 hours the night before. Turns out I prepared too much to cover, but more on that later. Fridays are also my really long days; I teach from 1:30-8:50 without any breaks (well, I've got about 10 minutes between each class, but I always spend that time setting up or running upstairs just long enough to use the bathroom). Frances came into my 5G class yesterday as it was starting and rearranged the way I had the desks set up and also my seating chart. Jenny says this is normal Frances behavior. What bothered me is that she didn't say anything to me at all, she just started shouting at my kids in Chinese and seemed really angry. She was in my class for about 10 minutes arranging things and shouting in Chinese the whole time and never even looked at me until she was leaving and she told me "This way is better," and that I needed to keep my eyes on George and Eric (which I have already discovered for myself), and then she left. I don't mind the way she changed things (in fact, I actually really like the new arrangement for the desks), I just minded the way she handled it. I felt kind of embarrassed and belittled because I had no idea what was going on and my students kept looking at me. We actually did end up doing the exercise rotations, we just didn't use the weights. (The exercise rotations are part of our DPVE's, which I don't remember what that stands for right now, but it has to do with verbalization things. We were trying to teach them new vocabulary based on muscles and exercise and how they felt after exercise, as well as get them to use their muscles because children here aren't really used to that sort of thing. Wednesday a child got hurt using the weights, and so we thought we weren't going to do them anymore.) It was absolute chaos and I am glad we are not doing that any more, especially since I didn't have time to get through even half of my lesson (we barely had time for the spelling test, and I still have not graded all of them). I actually had to make one class just sit at the desks without talking to anyone for about 5 minutes because they were all being so rude, and then I asked them if they were willing to try again. The last group of kids I had in rotations I took one downstairs to the secretaries because he was very much so not listening to me. He was running around in circles around the room and wouldn't stop, and then he just laid on the floor and wouldn't get up. Finally I just grabbed his arm, forced him to stand, and marched him out the door. He was in Heather's class, and when her students were going back to their room, I heard Heather asking the only girl where the boy was. The girl said "He made the teacher really mad and she took him downstairs. Teacher was really angry!" I hadn't realized I was angry, but I guess when the threat to take a student to the secretary becomes a reality, that is the way the teacher is perceived as being, namely ANGRY.
Christina and I then walked to Amart because Jenny told us we should probably have our own toilet paper and at least one gallon of water to be prepared for the typhoon, worst-case scenario. (Oh, yeah. There was a typhoon warning for Saturday, in case you didn't catch my tweet on Twitter about that.) I bought another pillow there (now I have my fortress of pillows! Yea!) and decided to buy a lot of instant noodles, too, hoping that they will be good (the one that I've tried so far is SO GOOD! I will have to get some more).
As we were approaching Amart, though, this guy (probably in his 20's) was walking the other direction and he just stopped dead in his tracks and stared at us. Except, neither one of us could really tell if he was staring at us or behind us, but he looked like he was thinking really hard, like maybe he had forgotten something and was trying to remember. We had almost passed him when he said "Excuse me!" Do to the look he had on his face, I thought he was going to ask us how to get somewhere or if we knew where he could get something... I was so confused how he thought we would know what he wanted, but turns out that is not it. "Where are you from?" When we told him America, he got really excited and asked, "Are you study Taiwan?" (Translation from the Chinglsih: do you study in Taiwan?) We told him no, that we worked here at a school and he asked us which one. Please note that we were also wearing our school shirts yesterday (which mine is ginormous and could almost be a dress) so we showed him the logo and he said "Oh! Teachers! You teach [children]?" (Instead of actually saying "children," he held is hand out at waist-level.) Then he wanted our phone numbers, but we don't have a phone. So he asked for the school's phone number, but we don't have it memorized (I know. Every child knows they should memorize their phone number, but I don't even know how the phones
work in this country!). In final desperation, he asked us if we had Facebook and if he could add us. Christina wrote down her name on the back of one of his business cards, and I started to write my name, but it finally dawned on me that he had mentioned "Facebook," so I told him that I don't have Facebook. His face fell momentarily, but then he asked "MSN?" Yes. I have MSN. I haven't used it in well over a year, but I do have it. So I wrote down that email address for him. He has yet to email me/add me to his contacts. He also gave each of us one of his business cards, but not until after he had written down his English name (Kelly) and put a check mark next to his phone number. I don't know that either Christina or I will ever call him, but who knows, right? It was really amusing and not at all creepy like it would have been at home in America. He just seemed so excited to have met someone that spoke English that he desperately wanted to keep in contact with us to practice his English.
Yesterday was a pretty boring day. I had to get up early for a special "Planning meeting" where we all thought we were going to get trained on making lesson plans, but no. Baptism by fire yet again. No training, just jump right into it! I just kind of clicked around the folders in the network for a good 15 minutes not knowing what I was doing when Gerald finally came over and tried to help me. I finished around noon, but realized that I forgot to do my DPVE (ie horrible sports project/activity) for Elementary around 7:00 tonight. Oops. After planning, I made lunch (a cup of instant noodles that turned out to be a very delicious tomato soup type thing that DIDN'T MAKE ME SICK) and then contemplated taking a nap. I didn't, but I did just stay in my room until around... 4? Something like that. At that point, Sara came in and asked if we wanted to go somewhere, anywhere. We did. We didn't leave until after 5, though, and about 5 of us just rode our bikes down to Amart again. I decided I wanted some more junk/snack food because I didn't have any left (didn't buy it yesterday, and I need my sugar fix!), and Christina wanted the same. I am not sure what the other teachers were getting, but I think some of them needed actual groceries. While we were walking around the store, I suddenly heard in a very clear "American" accent "I want lychee fruit." My head whipped around because it was not a voice I recognized, and there were 3 or 4 Asian girls speaking in native English! We saw them again a little later by the junk food, speaking English again, and I couldn't stop staring at them. I suddenly know what it is like to be Taiwanese and not be able to look away from the "Foreigners," except the reason I couldn't look away was because I was in shock at being able to understand someone that wasn't a teacher speak in public! I told Christina that I couldn't stop staring because I could finally understand someone and she said, "It's the gift of tongues!"
We came home and dropped off our food stuffs, then Jessica, Christina and I rode our bikes down to the Pochinko's aka Orange Chicken restaurant. It is right across the street from Night Market, though, which takes place on Saturdays, so it was CRAZY TRAFFIC! Don't worry, we made it safely, but it was a little nerve-wracking. We had to wait for our food forever and we had to get take-out because they were so busy that they didn't have any seats left inside (and there are no seats outside).
Entrance to Night Market while we were waiting for our food
Crazy traffic, but mostly I was taking a picture of the sky/buildings in the background. You just can't avoid cars when taking pictures, though. Still waiting for the foods.
To demonstrate why we had to wait so long, but also to show the way people park here. There aren't really sidewalks, and people just park in the street. Not on the side of the road (I mean, you try to park on the side of the road, but there's not much of a shoulder to park on), so then cars just park in the road. It makes the whole driving/riding-your-bicycle thing very interesting.
When we finally got home, we took some chairs and plates up to the roof and ate up there. Jessica went in before Christina and I because she was getting eaten alive; Christina and I came back in around 8:30.
The typhoon never hit. It didn't even get close to us. It only rained for maybe 45 minutes on Saturday (and that's being generous), and then it cleared up and got sunny again. I was kind of upset because, had we known that would have been the case, we would have gone to Taichung to shop at Costco and get some real, familiar, American food. Now it will probably be another 2 weeks before we are able to go because next Saturday is Taipei Temple Day.
Today has been another nice, quiet Sunday. I had the "opportunity" to play the piano for Relief Society, but it didn't go very well. I think the problem was two-fold: 1. I haven't played the piano in about a month, so I am out of practice; 2. I haven't played out of the hymn book much in nearly a year. There is a piano on the third floor in the Big Room here at the school that Gerald said we can use (when the school is open), but I am not sure if there are any hymn books to practice with... We might just have to start playing top hand only for some hymns if I keep playing for the RS.
Other fun thing that happened today, Stake Choir practice! The Wuchuan 1st ward asked our little branch to combine with them or the choir. We will be singing "The Iron Rod" in, wait for it, Chinese! It was quite the experience. I think it's going to be fun, though. Luckily, Stake Conference isn't until October, so we have a little while to practice. One of the ladies in our Relief Society is going to try to find some time to help us to practice pronunciation and stuff.
Now for my not so subtle hint (for those of you still reading despite the lack of pictures). I haven't heard from hardly ANYONE yet, and it is making me sad. JUST BECAUSE I LIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD DOESN'T MEAN I'M DEAD!
Labels: health, Taiwan, Teaching
Monday, May 31, 2010
For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you already know this. It is for the rest of you poor souls that I post the following update.
So it's Memorial Day today, right? So, therefore, my doctor's office is closed. Which means I had to go to the InstaCare this afternoon instead re: my "hives." Which is fine, I guess, because at least I got a diagnosis and now something can be done to make my "hives" go away. Oh, but wait. They're not hives, after all! Is it scabies? Nope! Poison Ivy/Oak? Nope! Chicken Pox? Getting closer! Shingles? YES! Yes, my friends, I have shingles. It hurts like the dickens on fire and itches like the crazy whosits. Also looks kind of nasty.
Good news is, though, that I don't have to go to work tomorrow, now, because my coworker that I was supposed to work with is preggers, and I'm not supposed to be around Small Chilren (who've never had the pox) or Pregnant Woman! So, yea! Extra day off. It's like a super long weekend and almost awesome!
Labels: health, work
Friday, March 26, 2010
This is the post that will finally bump my Christmas post off of my main page. Goodbye, Christmas. See you in 9 months.
Meanwhile, today I went to visit an ENT Dr. I kind of love that man, because he 1) was not scary and 2) told me that my sinuses are VERY HEALTHY and there is NOTHING WRONG WITH ME, except that I might have allergies, but if I do not want to be tested for that, he has NO QUALMS with my way of thinking and will not even suggest I be stabbed with needles. So now I have allergy stuff I am supposed to take on a daily basis for the next 3 months at least, and I don't have to go back to see him again until my refills run out (next year), if ever. And if I keep getting headaches, I am supposed to go back to my dr Dr and say "yo. ENT says my sinuses are clear and to tell you I have headaches." (Which I don't know that I want to go back into THAT realm of tests Ever Again, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.)
Moral of the story, I am not dying and life is good. The end.
Labels: health
Monday, February 01, 2010
"Oh, my sssssinuses!"
Fun fact: Tomorrow will be my third doctor appointment within approximately one month's time. Why? Because I am pretty sure I still have an ear infection (or two?) and, probably, sinus infection. I was trying to hold off going to the doctor again until next week when I get back from California, but... when I started getting dizzy at work today just because I was scrolling the screen down on the computer, I figured that was a Bad Sign and therefore... doctor.
But I tell you what, if she says I can't eat calcium again, I may throw a fit. (That made for a really long 10 days last time.)
Labels: health
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
So, long-time readers may remember how last September I had an x-ray done on my knee and they couldn't see anything wrong. Those were fun times! Despite the fact that the doctor couldn't see anything the matter with my knee didn't exactly help my knee to feel any better, though, and I've been suffering through intense/dull pain off and on since a year ago March. Finally I got in to see an Orthopedic today. And guess what?!
There's something wrong with my knee.
Whoa.
Who wouldn't thought? (I mean, besides me.) So, basically, when I injured my knee last year, I pushed the knee cap into the other bone and ruined the cartilage between the two bones. The orthopedic said that it was probably cracked and fractured a little bit. Usually this happens over time (a lot of time) due to over-use, so generally it's something that those who are Older and Wiser suffer from in their Old Age. Lucky me, I get to be Old before my Age. Unfortunately, it's kind of hard to treat. However, he did refer me to a physical therapist to try to strengthen my knee and also to get some orthopedic inserts for my shoes (I have flat feet, too? I never knew this before today).
Oh, but don't you worry. None of that is the fun stuff that happened.
First, he mentioned the word "shot." I felt woozy. Then he said "surgery" and I'm pretty sure all the blood drained away from my face. There was a lot of excitement in my heart as I was trying to go through the "check out" process and find a chair without passing out. By the time I was able to sit down, I couldn't see anything. Very Close Call.
Also combine this with the fact that I was already shaky (I think my blood sugar was low? I hadn't eaten lunch yet and I was Very Hungry) and that I have a headache today. Not good combinations.
Labels: health
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Dear world,
So, I think my head is about to explode. This is the 3rd migraine I've had in two weeks and I'm getting desperate. If you know of a really good doctor in Orange County, let me know. I prefer someone not scary, but I'll almost take anyone. This is how desperate I am.
Anyway, other than that small detail, life is still good! Last week my Love Duck and parents came to visit me. There were 12 days of Disney in a row (what with work and all that), but it was the first time I've really played in the parks since I got here 2 months ago. I screamed my lungs out on Splash Mountain (I think I mostly just scream because, you know, I can, not because I'm scared), rode Small Word for the first time since it re-opened last month (so cute!), and ate like a million marshmallow sticks. I love those things so much. Surprisingly enough, though, I didn't take many pictures! This was probably a mistake on my part, but I think it's because I take so many pictures at work that, when I'm not working, I find it is kind of nice to be able to see more of the world than what's in a view finder.
Mondays have basically become my favorite day of the week, despite having class on what is usually my day off. For this coming Monday, I believe I am looking forward to a non-dance party at Barnes and Noble, and I'm pretty sure it will be the best non-dance party in the history of non-dance parties.
So, yup. That's basically life right now. I need to run out to Target today to pick up
Pinocchio and probably
The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas, but we'll see if I actually make it that far. I guess it's more of a want than a need, anyway. Probably I will, though, seeing as how I'm nice and don't really know how to say "no" to people, so I'm taking a fellow CP to some train station by the Honda Center in about 20 minutes.
And, oh yeah! Bless the IRS, because I got my tax return today! That was excitement in my bank account. I'm now trying to decide if I can justify buying a macro lens for my camera or not. It's a lot of money for one of those puppies, though, so it may have to wait a little longer. I kind of like seeing bigger numbers in my savings account.
Labels: Disney, Entertainment, Family, Friends, health, internship
Saturday, May 03, 2008
CT Scan came back clear. Good that nothing is wrong, I guess, but at the same time I kind of wish they would have found something just so I knew why this darned headache won't go away. Still waiting to hear back on the x-ray.
Labels: health
Monday, November 26, 2007
99.9 degrees inside my mouth. I may be taking a trip to the doctor this week. Ick.
Labels: health
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Look, everybody! I have the measles! (Excuse my swollen ankle and really unattractive legs.)
Actually, they're mosquito bites. So instead of dying from the measles, I'll just die from West Nile Virus. I've got 100 of them
(yeah, I counted). Monk would be pleased.Labels: health
Sunday, August 26, 2007
So, the other day (Thursday) I started on the higher dosage of my medication (it's not even the treatment dose yet). Ever since Friday, I've been really, really shaky. Seriously, my hands just tremble like crazy and as I was waiting to get in to see the Bishop this afternoon, my leg started doing the same thing. I've been getting dizzy really easily lately, too. I noticed this two weeks ago when I first stated the medication, but it wasn't all that bad. Now, though, I barley move and I have to close my eyes for a second until I can be sure I've caught my balance. I think we're going to have to try something else. Unless Dr. Kroger things that it'll pass, anyway. He knows more about this stuff than I do. Still, I really haven't noticed any difference yet. I know it's only been two weeks and that it usually takes 1-2 months, but I was hoping for something to change (even if it were only to be a minor change) a lot faster than that. Anyway, I'll be calling Dr. Krog either Friday or Saturday to check up with him.
On that note, I've added a few links to my sidebar in the "about" section. You may have noticed already, I put them up last night after doing a few hours of research on my condition.
That's all for now. I'll be back later with a Svithe, I promise.
Labels: health
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
I have, at long last, gone to see the dermatologist concerning the lovely
condition that has been plaguing me for nearly the past year. However, the dear ol' doc says it's most likely to get worse before it gets better, so... Meh.
Always remember: wherever you go, there you are!
Labels: health
Friday, July 13, 2007
I win.
Meanwhile, I have
finally acquired an appointment with the dermatologist next week for my eyelid condition. Hooray?
Always remember: wherever you go, there you are!
Labels: health, Odds and Ends
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Ah, man! I have a freakin' cavity!
Always remember: wherever you go, there you are!
Labels: health, Life
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Yes, you may now call me Monk. I will, in approximately 26 days, be meeting with my own, personal Dr. Kroger. And in even less time than that I will have in my possession season 5 of Monk. So there.
Always remember: wherever you go, there you are!
Labels: Entertainment, health
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Just to warn you, my sense of humor gets increasingly more morbid each day. So if you don't find the following funny, but rather disturbing, I am sorry for you. You may excuse yourself.Ok. So I'm researching drugs again. While looking through the info sheet of the medication I am currently taking, I read this: "What happens if I overdose with Drug? Seek emergency medical attention if you think you have taken too much of this medication. Symptoms of an...overdose may include...seizures, and coma."
Umm.. yeah. I'm really going to be able to dial 911 when I fall into my coma or start seizing all over the place.Always remember: wherever you go, there you are!
Labels: health, humor and jokes
Monday, June 04, 2007
We've gone back to the Celexa. I cannot even tell you how relieved I am to be done with Lexapro and back on something that I know works, even if it did give me nasty side-effective migraines. Those I can learn to deal with and still function under their power even if they're a level 8 (which, you know, they usually are). It's going to be so nice to be back to "normal."
Always remember: wherever you go, there you are!
Labels: health
Thursday, May 31, 2007
My creativity is running a little thin these days. I don't really know what to blame that on; probably my job and the fact that I feel trapped in my current life-state situation and that I feel like I have little to no control over what's going on.
P.S., this is probably not going to be one of my happiest posts, so if you're getting sick of these, then I'd go read something else if I were you.
I'm leaving for Cougar Town again tomorrow. Probably early afternoon, maybe late morning if I get moving early enough. It's hard for me to believe that it's already been a week since I was up there last.
And I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably not going to wait for the trial month of this Lexapro to be up before I call my doctor. I've noticed this past week that I'm fast sliding back to the state I was in this past January before the initial drug switch. I've been in a lot of physical pain and I'm having a really hard time staying pleasant for long periods of time. Not to mention that being with people for even an hour just wears on me and I'm exhausted all the time. Of course, I'm not getting any sleep, either, and I'm sure that has something to do with the exhaustion, but I also attribute that problem to the drug. This may or may not be the case, but I can think of nothing else to pin it on. Also, I haven't been eating more than one meal a day for quite a while again. This is usually a sure sign to me that my depression is coming back full force. Food does not entice me in the least bit. I could care less about anything edible. They had donuts and chips with salsa at work today because one of the morning girls is leaving tomorrow. I didn't eat any of it. I didn't want it. I just sat in my little corner, typing away for four hours not saying a word unless I had a question on what something said (mechanics do not have the best handwriting ever).
Problem is, though, that I don't know if drugs are even ever going to help me out. I just can't help but doubt lately. I'm afraid of so many things right now. I'm afraid of change. I'm afraid that I'm going to botch this chance, too, and that I'll be alone forever. I felt so much hope on Sunday after I talked to my bishop and he gave me a blessing, but now it's gone. All of it. I haven't talked to SL since that day and now I'm concerned. I don't know what I did, but I feel like I must have done something wrong. I'm such a worry-wort. I honestly don't think anyone deserves having to deal with my emotional baggage. I'd not wish it upon anyone by any means.
I'm so afraid right now. I'm afraid because I know I'm falling in love with him, and, as much as I want to, I don't. I don't want to be hurt again. I don't know that I could take it. I'm afraid of what would happen if I was hurt again, that maybe I'd just give up and go off the deep end. Essentially, I'm afraid to trust him and that is the root of the problem. Last time I trusted someone, they ripped my heart out of my chest, tore it into a million pieces, and scattered them all over, stomping on them afterwards. Last time I trusted someone, they turned on me and started spreading hateful stories about me around other mutual friends. That was last time I trusted someone. That was more than two years ago, yet even that trust was wavering.
I want to trust him, but I want the guarantee that he's not going to hurt me. I want to know that he'll protect me at all costs and that he will trust me to not hurt him. And I'm afraid to trust him because what he's said in the past and the way that he acts are totally not in accord with each other. I don't know which one he really means.
Krishna asked me earlier if I was actually falling in love with him or with the physical relationship. I thought of this earlier, a few weeks ago, really, so I didn't have to think long today. I'm 100 percent probably sure that I'm falling in love with him. I just feel so... I don't really know how to explain it. But when I'm with him I feel like I can take off my mask and just be myself and not worry (it's when I'm not with him that I have the problem). I don't feel like I have to be in pain to protect myself from him. In fact, for the first time like... ever, I don't want to be. I don't feel like I need to hurt myself to get his attention. When I'm with him, people don't scare me so much. I feel like I can get out of my shell a little bit. When I'm with him, I feel like I don't have to worry so much. Fewer things bother me; the world doesn't have to be perfect because he's there and that's enough. When I'm with him, it doesn't bother me so much that my roommate is a slob and that Management is annoying. When I'm with him. That's the problem. I'm not with him right now and I don't know when I will next see him or talk to him or hear his voice.
I need a vacation. From my life, from my issues. Problem is, wherever I go, so do they. I don't know how to just let them go. Get rid of them. You know? They've been a part of my life far longer than even I can possibly imagine (my mother told me a story about when I was 2 last night that proves I've had anxiety disorders since forever) that I don't even know what life is like without them.
Sorry I'm such a sap. I guess we all have our days, eh?
P.S. This "save now" button seriously keeps throwing me off. Get rid of it, Blogger!
Always remember: wherever you go, there you are!
Labels: Friends, health, relationships, weekend plans, work
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
.
Always remember: wherever you go, there you are!
Labels: health
